He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
