it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
