Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
