last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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