did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
