Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
