look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
