So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
