I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
