This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
