my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
