All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
