I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
