We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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