oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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