You left your underwear on the fireplace
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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