as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
