I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
