The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
