Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
