Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I sprained my soul last night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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