Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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