I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
