meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Boobs speak an international language.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
