babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
