In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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