dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
