I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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