i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
