Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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