I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
