You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
