dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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