His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
