under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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