I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
