at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
