what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
