if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
