they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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