when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
