Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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