Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
