How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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