we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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