I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
