i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
