3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got chris browned last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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