my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
