she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm always down for nudity.
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