i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
