So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
